road trip to big sur with mom

a few months ago i knew exactly what i wanted out of my future. i wanted to live in san francisco interning as a photojournalist for a local publication. although i didn’t know much about working at a magazine or newspaper, i knew i wanted to explore photojournalism in the city by the bay. i was blessed enough to be given that exact opportunity. at the san francisco examiner, i worked with an amazing staff & talented mentor who gave me incredible assignments every day. i shot triathletes escaping from alcatraz, proposition 8 rallies in the heart of the castro, and gourmet dishes prepared from scratch before my eyes. i yelled with niners fans in bars across the city, cried with a family who lost a father, and was inspired by volunteers serving the homeless on Easter Sunday.

but over time, i felt like my work wasn’t doing the paper justice. the harder i tried, the worse i seemed to shoot. i knew i wasn’t meant for this position. i was unhappy and left questioning my goals, major, and self. the problem was that i put too much of my identity into being a student/intern/photographer, and lost what it meant to be myself.

as i write from an airplane taking me home to massachusetts to graduate, i no longer hold any of those titles that i put so much energy into achieving. the only thing i know to be true about myself is that throughout everything, i am loved by God. there is no other aspect of my life as trustworthy or faithful, even when i am neither of those things in return. because of this, i’m no longer afraid that i can’t plan past may. i’m not regretful or disappointed for this change of heart. because now i can finally put all of my identity in Him.

it’s an aspect of my life that i haven’t been very honest about or given enough focus on until everything i thought i knew changed. except for my faith. obviously i’ve been doing a lot of soul searching on the west coast, but i’m far from finished. i feel called to stay in san francisco while i figure out who i’m supposed to be. who God intended.

my favorite place in the city, bernal hill

1 samuel 10:6-7
the spirit of the Lord will come powerfully upon you, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person. once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.