road trip to big sur with mom

a few months ago i knew exactly what i wanted out of my future. i wanted to live in san francisco interning as a photojournalist for a local publication. although i didn’t know much about working at a magazine or newspaper, i knew i wanted to explore photojournalism in the city by the bay. i was blessed enough to be given that exact opportunity. at the san francisco examiner, i worked with an amazing staff & talented mentor who gave me incredible assignments every day. i shot triathletes escaping from alcatraz, proposition 8 rallies in the heart of the castro, and gourmet dishes prepared from scratch before my eyes. i yelled with niners fans in bars across the city, cried with a family who lost a father, and was inspired by volunteers serving the homeless on Easter Sunday.

but over time, i felt like my work wasn’t doing the paper justice. the harder i tried, the worse i seemed to shoot. i knew i wasn’t meant for this position. i was unhappy and left questioning my goals, major, and self. the problem was that i put too much of my identity into being a student/intern/photographer, and lost what it meant to be myself.

as i write from an airplane taking me home to massachusetts to graduate, i no longer hold any of those titles that i put so much energy into achieving. the only thing i know to be true about myself is that throughout everything, i am loved by God. there is no other aspect of my life as trustworthy or faithful, even when i am neither of those things in return. because of this, i’m no longer afraid that i can’t plan past may. i’m not regretful or disappointed for this change of heart. because now i can finally put all of my identity in Him.

it’s an aspect of my life that i haven’t been very honest about or given enough focus on until everything i thought i knew changed. except for my faith. obviously i’ve been doing a lot of soul searching on the west coast, but i’m far from finished. i feel called to stay in san francisco while i figure out who i’m supposed to be. who God intended.






my favorite place in the city, bernal hill

1 samuel 10:6-7
the spirit of the Lord will come powerfully upon you, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person. once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.

7 thoughts on “

  1. Such beautiful and profound words contextualized perfectly! Maybe you should have interned as a writing journalist as well as a photo journalist. (Gotta use the caps key though. Who are you, e.e. cummings?)

    Love to you,
    –your proud uncle

  2. Love the pics of Highway 1 to Big Sur . . . and I know that pink flower on Bernal Heights, it’s Valerian, an herb for sleep and calming. I’m with Johnny, add in writing journalist!

    yes, so wonderful to read some words about you and your experience, taking us a little deeper into who you are, even as you seem to throw your hands up and say I don’t know who I am but I know I can fully and completely trust the process with God guiding me! . . . and I, for one, always missed the written journaling type of sharing from your photo posts! . . . the blog part, hope you’ll keep it going if you are so inspired 😉


    1. looks like i’ll have to keep writing through the confusion then!

  3. awh momma.! i hope you guys had so much fun during her visit.!!

  4. What a beautiful post.
    “…the only thing i know to be true about myself is that throughout everything, i am loved by God.”
    This is something I need to be reminded about daily.
    I pray that you find God’s direction in your life. I know He has an amazing plan for you.
    Oh, and I think your pictures are gorgeous and beautiful companions to your wonderful essay.
    I love that area in CA. Big Sur was our favorite place to picnic when I was a kid.

    1. thank you for the prayers, it means so much. and i love looking through your photos! can’t wait to follow your beautiful family 🙂

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