i wander through most days, making to do lists, reading, keeping myself busy, and maybe distracted. i find myself driving, sometimes for hours in a day, just to arrive somewhere green and quiet.
i’m finally not thinking about anything here. just walking and mentally framing- trying to make the world that i’ll later present to others feel peaceful and tangible. i pray these photos don’t spark any form of discontent in people who are also struggling with envy like me while they scroll through the unattainable.
for full transparency, sitting in that wrought iron chair, i was questioning if god was withholding good things from me. he has since disproved this theory through mentors/friends/scripture. a good father inherently withholds the bad.. the poorly timed..
(psalm 84:11, prov 3:27, john 13:7 + 16:12, rom 8:32)
receiving gifts before we’re ready or while motivated by things like comparison makes way for an “illusion of self sufficiency” as tim keller explains. a lack of dependence and misguided desires only leave us focused on ourselves and wanting more.
as i sat there questioning, a woman broke my mental spiral and called my name. i didn’t know her- she was looking for her daughter, also wandering around the garden.