photography requires confrontation. something i’m not well versed in naturally (see: enneagram nines). my camera helps me directly face my thoughts and engage without reservation.
but it also rewards empathetic, even passive observers. i love when people are comfortable enough with my presence that they forget I’m there entirely. i’ve struggled lately with the idea that society rewards and praises assertive/extroverted/outspoken people (women) most. but all temperaments can speak equally when speaking visually.
photography isn’t about the photographer herself, but without force or choice, you get to experience her literal, quiet perspective of the world for just a moment.
jess was helping me understand that in the way that some people speak, sing, or write to communicate, we photograph. i withhold a part of myself when i don’t shoot- choking my relationship with my own creativity, and at the same time, with people around me who only want to know me better.
that’s why photography can be a bit painful for me. it’s vulnerable to be seen. it’s hard to share something that i don’t deem worthy. but withholding, i’ve learned, is much harder.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves